"I Directed Him To The Basement So He Could Find His Wife's Surprise..."

"I was in the kitchen making coffee in the morning after our party the night before and my friend's wife who was staying over came up the basement stairs to the kitchen wearing nothing but underwear. She didn't say anything to me, shuffled past and went back into the spare bedroom. I was curious what she was doing down there so I went and checked. It turns out in her drunken state she couldn't find either one of the bathrooms upstairs on the main level so she went into the basement and shit beneath the stairs all over the floor. When her husband came out of the bedroom I told him that he had a mess to clean up and directed him to the basement so he could find his wife's surprise. That's when he decided to use our clean bath towels to smear her shit all over my basement floor and tossed the towels into the laundry tub. I never spoke to either one of them again. One good thing did come out of it though. We now get to say "shit the basement drunk" as the top of the drunkenness meter" Source

"Apparently, This Behavior Is Common For People Named Misty..."

"My roommate met a girl named Misty at a party and invited her back. She stayed the night, yeah whatever. But then didn't leave the next day. She just hung out. Even asked if we were going to buy more soda. She stayed the night again. On the couch. Two days later we drove her to a family member just to get rid of her. The last I knew, she'd gotten knocked up by some biker dude. That baby is probably old enough to have to decide between Trump and Sanders" Source

"I Think This Might Be Why He Thought He Could Get Away With It..."

"My partner at the time's brother spent the whole week trying to walk in on me changing/in the shower. It was way too many times to be an accident, and I'd told him twice he needed to learn how to knock. He wouldn't stop, so I went and stayed with a friend for the last couple of days. The reason he'd come to stay was because he was having trouble at home, so I didn't want to upset him further. I think this might be why he thought he could get away with it" Source

"The Guy Tried To Play It Off Llike He Thought It Was MY Room..."

"When I was 17, my older brother brought two of his college friends from school to stay for a weekend in the town he was raised. My mom caught one of them smelling my 12 year old sister's stockings and preteen girl underwear. She freaked and told my brother in front of me and this friend. The guy tried to play it off like he thought it was MY room, and he was looking for my weed. He said he was sniffing because he could smell weed somewhere and wanted to smoke. My mom wanted so hard to believe this that she actually accused me of having weed in my room, which was upstairs. My sister thought it was hilarious. She's like 24 now, and she constantly tells people this story even though she has never met this guy even to this day" Source

"She Managed To Leave A Nice Blood Smudge On Our Wall..."

"My best mate was hooking up with the new barmaid at our local and she got wrecked on booze and cocaine at a post-pub party at my parent's house. For some reason she decided to grab a kitchen knife and slit her wrist. In the ensuing struggle to wrestle the knife from her hand she managed to leave a nice blood smudge on our wall. We kicked her out and she gave me and my girlfriend at the time a load of shit on Facebook for being unreasonable. Believe it or not my mate ended up dating her for about 2 years and she was an absolute train wreck. When he finally got rid of her from his life it was a really joyous moment for me and the rest of our friendship cycle. The last I heard of her she unexpectedly inherited a few million pounds from her father who she hadn't seen since she was about 2 years old and she's now living a few hundred miles away breeding horses" Source

"It Was Like Alien Pee..."

"Young guests with bed wetting problems are the worst. Had someone do this to my parents, ruined a 2500 dollar down sofa, except we were aware of the problem and gave her an inflatable mattress to sleep on. She got up in the middle of the night, moved onto the forbidden couch, supersoaked it and told no one. It was like alien pee and anything it touched was emblazoned with the putrescent scent. It was like this 10 year old girl lived on garlic, asparagus, and liquor. Stank like grown man football arena bathroom piss" Source

"Stole Our Xbox And Disappeared..."

"My roommate's friend needed a place to crash while he found an apartment. We had a spare room but he didn't want to rent it. After 3 weeks It became obvious he was trying to stay with us for free when he brought all of his clothes and stuff. So we charged him rent for next month. Stole our Xbox and disappeared. But he left all his stuff which was worth a lot more. Yeah we were a little confused about it too. He had pretty nice vacuum cleaner. We already had one so we sold his. He had some new shoes, video games, movies, an iPad mini, and even an oscilloscope. I think he was a electrical or computer engineering major. We didn't bother calling the cops and just told him to bring back the Xbox or he can't get his stuff. He never responded and we just made a 1k profit selling his crap" Source

"She Was So Freaked Out By It She Didn't Confront The Guy..."

"A friend had her boyfriend's best mate over. Turns out he was a shitter. As in, he crapped everywhere but in the toilet bowl. The floor, the seat, handprints everywhere. She was so freaked out by it she didn't confront the guy, she just cleaned everything up. I've met the guy myself and he is perfectly normal bloke. There is nothing about him that would suggest he poos everywhere and thinks it's normal. He's a proper grown up man; an accountant even. Next day, he shits everywhere again. She cleans up. It's that far beyond the frame of reference for civilised behaviour in England that it's fusing all the circuits in her brain. Next day, her boyfriend makes an excuse why the guy will have to leave. He leaves, nothing is ever said" Source

"It Looked Exactly Like A Week And A Half Worth Of Cat Peepoos..."

"A friend of ours volunteered to housesit and take care of our pets (two cats and two lizards). We made sure they knew what to do and wrote a care sheet for each animal. When we came back, there was a HEAVY cat piss/cat shit smell all over, and my lizard had shit all over her underside. Not. Cool. Bearded dragons have salmonella in their feces, and this meant she ran a risk of getting very sick if she ran over her food. We ended up having to take her to the vet for a $300 vet bill for tail rot. The cat litter was literally solid. He said he had just forgotten to clean it once before he left, but it looked exactly like a week and a half worth of cat peepoos. Our one cat was so fed up with the peepoos in the litter that we saw him peeing on the floor, which has never once happened before. He had volunteered to stay in our apartment because it was an hour closer to his new job, and completely used us" Source

"She Was Squishing Them Between Her Fingernails..."

"An ex-friend stayed over one night. I smelled something horrible when I was cleaning the guest bathroom after she left. It was like a mix of fish and rotten eggs. It was so strong it made me gag. And then I found the source: it was her used panties. She had lice too. I noticed it when she was picking nits from her hair and squishing them between her fingernails. I would hear them pop. It was disgusting. I had to throw the pillow she used. The sheets and towels went straight to the washing machine - 60C. About the nits, you do hear them pop if you are close enough. She was picking and popping them (unaware, I suppose) while we were having a conversation" Source

"Sprayed My Perfume On Himself And Then Ran Out The Door..."

"We moved into this new house, apparently the people who lived there before us never told their "friend" they moved. He let himself in and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there some time later and found this random guy passed out with a needle in his arm in my bathroom. I called out to my boyfriend, because I freaked out. The guy woke up, looked at us, pulled the needle out of his arm and sprayed my perfume on himself and then ran out the door. All while we just watched. I have no idea how long he was in there for but he left his spoon in the sink. I grew up in a town where we never had to lock doors. I lock my doors all the time now. first night in a new house ever" Source

"I Said "Never" And We Drove Away..."
"Got Kicked Out Pretty Quick And Our Friendship Deteriorated Pretty Rapidly After That..."

"This was a few years back, when I was around 15 or so. My younger brother is autistic, only mildly so we don't deal with him all that much differently than any other kid. He can get a bit much with the questions, feels like you're getting interrogated at times he has so much to ask, but it's easy to cut him a little slack with it, no big deal. At the time he was around 6 and I had a friend over for a little while, just playing some games on my xbox. My younger brother politely knocks on my door so I tell him to come in, and he proceeds to start questioning us on what we're playing, about the game etc etc, normal questions, just lots of them. Eventually my friend has had enough and tells him he needs to shut up, younger brother responds by saying he's only asking and asks me another question. Before anyone has a chance to do anything my friend decides to shout at him to shut up and proceeds to slap my younger brother around the head. Got kicked out pretty quick and our friendship deteriorated pretty rapidly after that" Source

"He Was Eye Banging Those Cards..."

"My friends and I went camping as well as some of our family and family friends one year. One of the family's dad brought his 7 year old kid who happened to bring Pokemon cards. One of my friends' cousins who was eleven at the time and also there caught eye of these cards and let me tell you he was eye banging those cards. One day, the 7 year old kid named Liam starts to cry because his cards are missing. We know it's the cousin. We saw the cousin pop by Liam's tent before the cards went missing. The cousin denies stealing. He says maybe bears take it. Now a day later when we are washing our clothes the cards happen to fall right out of his pocket. He says a bear tried to frame him" Source n

"I Went Through And Checked The Bedrooms In My House..."

"I was having a party at my house. Most of them were 16-19 years old. I was 18. A couple hours in and my 25 year old neighbor came over with some extra beer for us. He starts chatting up this 16 year old girl. After another hour or so I noticed that they had both disappeared and no one knew where they went. I went into the extra bedroom and found him raping her. She was trying to scream but he had her mouth covered. I ran in to get the guy but he dodged past me and ran back to his house. The girl demanded that we not call the police because she didn't want her parents to know. We convinced her to talk with them the next morning. I ended up testifying in court and the guy was sentenced to 25 years in prison. He had a wife and two kids who I found out he had been abusing. He is most definitely the worst guest I've ever had and ever will have. She's doing as good as she can last I heard. She went to counseling and her parents were very supportive through all of it" Source

"I Got A 2 Am Phone Call From The Local Air Force Base..."
"Barged Into The Bathroom And Threw Up My Entire Body Weight In The Toilet..."

"I was 18, had the most drunken night of my life 1.5 litres of vodka plus other substances, slept on my best mate's floor. In the morning I got up and needed to be sick right away. Barged into the bathroom and threw up my entire body weight in the toilet. Not so bad.... Turn around to see his mum in the bath with candles having a nice morning relax. I was horrified. She was more horrified. My mate was on the floor in tears laughing. Had a great relationship with them both so was allowed back after profuse apologies. Quit drinking though" Source

"I Kept Finding Flecks Of Vomit On Things For Months..."

"One weekend, a friend of mine from high school decides to come visit. Let's call her "Nicole." My housemates throw a huge party: several kegs, 75-ish people, the works. We all get wasted. She heads up to my room early in the night, slithers into the loft bed, and passes out. A little while later, a friend of mine walks up to me with a horrified look on his face. "Lawna, you need to go look in your room." Nicole had gotten sick in her sleep. Disoriented and sloppy drunk, she hadn't been able to slither back out of the loft. So she had leaned over the side and in spectacular fashion spewed a perfect semicircle of rainbow-colored vomit around the bed. I don't know how one body can hold that much vomit. It was everywhere. Somehow even splattered up onto the desk that was directly below the bed. I cleaned up as best I could, but kept finding flecks of vomit on things for months. Thanks, Nicole" Source

"The Dude Flipped Out And Attacked Him..."

"My brother once woke up to find a homeless man sleeping by the radiator in his kitchen. He said he was trying to be charitable at first and attempted to give the man food and some hot coffee but when he woke him up, the dude flipped out and attacked him with a butter knife. He also had taken a shit in the sink it turns out. Don't do drugs kids." Source

"The Wok Was Scarred And Scratched Beyond Belief..."

"My sister. My wife and I let her stay with us after my folks finally kicked her out (the first time). She was to watch our toddler son for us while we were at work. When we got home, we often had to clean up the kitchen and most of the house because she was a slob who couldn't be bothered to clean up either her messes or the boy's. One day, my wife discovered that my sister had browned some ground beef in her brand new wok using a fork. The wok was scarred and scratched beyond belief. My wife freaked for a second and asked her why she did that. A couple minutes later, sister walked up to me in a huff and yelled, "You better talk to that bitch-ass wife of yours..." She went on for several minutes, calling my wife all kinds of names and threatening what she would do if "that f-ing bitch" says anything else to her. She had the nerve to look surprised when I calmly told her to get her stuff because she wasn't spending that night at our house. "You're gonna kick me out because of that bitch?!?" "Yep" Source

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